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I don’t understand how J just gets into bed and falls asleep instantly. He has been snoring for 20 minutes and I am still trying to find a comfortable spot.
J still forgets I’m sleeping next to him sometimes. Like last night when he tried to throw all the blankets in the floor because he was hot. I made a startled sound, so he quickly re-covered me then went back to sleep.
It’s something like a nest, and I curl up in a ball near the headboard.
This wouldn’t be a problem but it’s ingrained behavior so when I’m with J I wake up curled in a ball against the headboard and draped over his shoulder. His bed isn’t as soft as mine, nor does it have room for as many pillows. So, I use him as a pillow substitute. It’s really impractical and I usually end up with hip or back pain.
I’m not exactly sure if there’s a way to remedy this, but I refuse to give up my nest the other 5 days of the week.
But I can’t. I’m tired but laying in the bed just seems to make me more awake an anxious. Every time I move J starts to make funny noises and I worry that he might wake up. He needs to sleep.
So I’m sitting in the living room with single serve chocolate soymilk and a black and white cat. Hopefully I can actually go to sleep soon. Ugh, my muscles are almost too tired to type this post.
Fuck everything.
Because I’m nocturnal, and everyone else is asleep, and I have no one to talk to.
I’m not an insomniac. I sleep roughly 10 hours a day. I just do it while everyone else is at work or doing normal able bodied and/or employed human things.
This is the life of someone with an incurable chronic illness and a B.S. in Political Science.
I could be blogging about politics and current affairs but right now putting a lot of though into that makes me hate everything. So I’m just gonna sit here and complain about how I would rather be watching J sleep because I’m alone and my dog won’t even cuddle with me.
No seriously, that seems to be all I do.
When I first started the Cimzia injection I would be exhausted pretty much immediately after the shots. Now, about 6 months in, it seems like it takes about 18 hours for the fatigue to set in. It’s a little weird.
Yesterday, around 2, I got my Cimzia injections. Then Caitlin and I went to walk around IKEA and do some thrifting at Goodwill. I was honestly surprised when I didn’t start getting drowsy halfway through.
I started yawning on the way home, so I got a latte and the caffeine seemed to help.
I started reading The Other Boleyn Girl that I had picked up at Goodwill and I didn’t stop reading until about 4 AM.
Here comes the sleeping part-
I feel asleep and woke up around 10:30, ate some breakfast, fell asleep again, woke up around 2:30. I went downstairs to find something to eat but I was FAR too nauseous, so I went back to sleep AGAIN. I woke up at 4:30, tried to clean up a bit, but I was just too nauseous. I’ve been on the verge of sleep since about 7 but I’m trying to keep myself awake for a while longer. I would rather sleep through the night than wake up at 4 AM and not be able to go back to sleep again.
Cimzia is kicking my ass, but at least I’m not having a dozen bm’s a day, or stomach and joint pain constantly. Hopefully the nausea will get better, but I’m still pretty sure it’s being caused by the double birth control hormones.
I got home from J’s around 10. My intention was to take a shower, take my meds, and go to bed. It’s now 1 AM and I haven’t done any of those things.
I keep forgetting to take my multivitamin and my teeth have started hurting again. Thanks to the absorbency issues with Crohn’s my body just doesn’t process vitamins the same way. Taking the vitamins solves the teeth hurting problems, but I just keep forgetting! Truthfully I forget to take all of my pills because of my weird schedule when I’m with J, so I end up taking everything before bed. BUT the vitamin keeps me awake (weird, I know) so I don’t take it with the others.
I want to take a shower and wash off all of the cat hair, but I know my mom will yell at me if I wake her up. My room is really a loft separate from the rest of the house, so I have to go down the stairs, outside through the breezeway and through a few rooms to get to the bathroom. I don’t normally mind, but I’ve been with J for a few days where it’s just a few short steps from the shower to the bed (like any normal master bed/bath) and it doesn’t take much to get used to the convenience.
Final decision: I think I’m just going to take the pills, get in the shower, and if she yells and me I’ll just come upstairs and turn the ringer off on my phone. Sound like a plan?
