I think it’s migraine time again.

Fucking ow.

I need to go to bed but I can’t pry myself from this couch. I’m so tired. I would sleep on the couch but it hurts my hips. UGGGGGHHHH. 

Also worth noting—

I think I have another fistula.

I’m really hoping it’s just a superficial skin lesion because I don’t want to have to go through more surgeries right now. I’m supposed to give it a few days to “clear up” then the doctor wants to put me on flagyl if it hasn’t improved.

Yay. 

THE UNIVERSE IS TROLLING ME

Netflix puts up the 4th season of Breaking Bad the weekend of the season premiere for the 5th season AND DishNetwork drops AMC just before the premiere. 

Then there was a  buy 2 get 2 free bra sale and I said “I don’t need to spend the money”. Today my goddamn bra broke. The one I wear EVERY DAY. 

I HATE EVERYTHING

I just realized I’ve only eaten meat 4 times in the past 2 weeks. But I eat 2-3 meals every day. 

Because I don’t drink milk or eat beans or anything else protein rich, I’m thinking I’m not getting enough protein. 

That could be why I’ve been dizzy all day and craving a steak.

But I can’t chew steak because my teeth still hurt. 

The tiny red dots are gone…

But now I feel dizzy. Oh joy. Maybe I should just take some phenergan and hope for a better morning…

I can’t tell what hurts more, my teeth or my head.

Maybe it’s a combination effort.

I have no idea what’s going on with my body.

But the basic concept here is betrayal.

Two weeks ago everything was ok. Or ok for someone with moderate Crohn’s disease.

Today- Nausea, indigestion, bloating, gas, STOMACH CRAMPS, sore throat, surprise period, intestinal bleeding, fuck everything.

I have an appointment with my GI on Monday. He thinks I have c. diff. I don’t agree. Aaaaand test results will be inconclusive because I’ve been on PPIs for almost 5 years which skews the results. So there’s that.

I’m gonna go drink more peppermint tea and maybe dose up on phenergan. You know how it is…

So there’s this guy…

And he’s amazing. 

Kind, funny, warm, interesting.

Liberal, egalitarian, and non-religious; with blue eyes and amazing arms. 

He even wakes me up in the middle of the night to “make it better” if I’m having bad dreams. 

But…

He’s emotionally unavailable. And I’m emotionally vacant.

What to do…