I am really uncomfortable and I think a baking soda bath would help but I don’t want to wake up J.
“An Insider’s Guide on How to be Sick
Never say the words ‘this is not my life’
This pain that wakes you screaming in the muzzle of the night
That woke your lover, chased into another room
into another life
This fevered fainting
This trembling chest
This panic like a cave of bats
This nurse drawing blood wearing doubled gloves
This insurance doesn’t cover that
This hurried paycheck of doctor after doctor after doctor
This stethoscope that never hears your heart
This hospital bed
This florescent dark
This save your prescription with side effects worse than the disease
This please let me have one month where I read more poems than warning labels
This not knowing what the test will say
This pray pray pray
This airplane’s medical emergency landing
Shame when you can’t walk
Shame when you’re home alone sobbing on another friday night
Say ‘This is my life
This is my precious life
This is how badly I want to live’
Say Sometimes you have to keep pulling yourself up by the whip
Take punch after punch to the face forward
To the head up
And still uncurl the fist of your grief like a warm blanket on the cool earth of your faith
Say every waiting room is the clime where you will finally take shape to fit into the keyhole of your own gritty heart
To open mercy
To open your siren throat
Say every fever is a love note to remind you that there better things to be than cool
Fuck every pair of skinny jeans
From the month your muscles atrophied to a size two
Say fuck you to anyone who asks you if you eat enough
Say how do you not know that is so fucking rude
Remember you never have an obligation to fight the hurricane in your chest
Especially on a day when another healthy person suggests ‘you would feel so much better if you would just focus your breath into a Buddha beam of light
Like that blind is going to miraculously dissolve the knife that’s been churning in your kidneys for the last six fucking months
Say Sunshine, please go back to your job at the aroma therapy aisle at Whole Foods and leave me alone
I know how to help my body
God does not expect me to use my inside voice
God knows how goddamn hard I am working to become a smooth stone
So I can skip on my back across this red red sea
So I can trust deep in my screaming bones
Everything is a lesson
Lesson #1 through infinity
You will never have a greater opportunity to learn to love your enemy than when your enemy is your own red blood
Truce is a word made of velvet
Wear it everywhere you go
Bandage the window where you screamed at the mountain for forgetting your footsteps
Trust that mountain is climbing you
Especially on the days you inevitably want to avalanche everyone who loves you
When you can’t walk from the bed to the bathroom without clenching at the walls
When you can’t imagine you can fall to pieces in another’s sturdy arms and still be seen as whole
Remember, the universe only became the universe when it shattered into dust
And that shattering is the one thing you can always trust enough to tell you
the truth is so quiet
you may never have heard it without a stethoscope pressed to your chest
That is to say in the house of your compassion its possible illness will be the landline
And its how you will begin to hear the world clear as a pin dropping
The downpour of its eyes
The long quarter of its broken throat
On my most broken days
when my faith is a willow and the pain has nothing but an ax to give
The only thing I want more than to die
is to live
Is to live to hear my neighbor play his music obnoxiously loud
To get cut off in traffic fifty more times
To get broken up with while standing in line at the DMV
To have another doctor drive another needle into my skin for the hundredth time
So I can say, for the hundredth time, that needle is the needle on a record player, Doctor, everything and I mean everything can learn how to sing”
Does anyone else ever spend about an hour just being all “I AM SO SICK OF BEING SICK I HATE MY LIFE AND MY BODY HATES ME AND I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN DDFGHJHGFDSA” and then afterwards you are just all accepting and like “This is my life and I have to do this” and revert back to whatever you were doing before? Because that happened to me today.
Taking a week away from our store, and coming home to a personal emergency, has left us more than $200 short on rent that is due on Wednesday.
There are many items in the shop which need to be cleared to make room for my new creations, so we have expanded our Clearance and Sales section dramatically!
Check out discounted prices on spoonie items, pin-up girls, animal-lover pieces, inspirational word charms, and more!
There is also a “Donate” button on the lower right side of my blog’s homepage if you would like to help us without placing an order through the shop.
Thanks in advance, friends!!
Yes, there’s the pain, immune problems, fatigue, sleep, throwing up, etc. but here is a list of things people probably overlook that we have to deal with.
- If we gain weight, it’s not easy to take it off. We can’t just work out tons like you can, and we can’t necessarily pick what…
probably best to space them out? like wait for your most recent dose of whichever to wear off, then switch to the other and stick with it, will avoid confusing yr opioid receptors and keep u clear of additive effects (like lowering seizure threshold)
I haven’t taken either one. I was just worried that if I took the tramadol and it didn’t help would I be able to take the other. Maybe I can just take half the hydro and wait?
The weekend went well, health wise. I took my Cimzia yesterday and exhaustion is setting in from that AND from doing so much the past few days.
Everything hurts and I just want to go back to sleep.
Why don’t they ever include Mankoski?!
It is by far the BEST and most specifically detailed pain scale that exists.
Ok fellow chronic illness sufferers, specifically those with joint pain:
Have you ever experienced pain in your joints that almost felt like nausea? I know that’s a weird way to describe it, but that’s almost exactly what it feels like. I’ve never had this happen before. Has anyone else experienced this?
I have no idea what just happened. My hip joints and pelvis were cramping so badly I thought I was going to throw up. After walking around for a minute it stopped.